As many of you may know, I've been sick much of this week. It's true - even preachers are human. I was laid out by a bad case of what they like to call 'Strep Throat,' and as such, am now feeling like a person for the first time since Tuesday. In a related development, I did something else this afternoon for the first time since Tuesday:

I took a shower.

I know. Gross. But I was sick, and I always take being sick as a fantastic excuse to neglect every day, personal hygiene. And the results were horrible - this morning, I stunk worse than I maybe ever have in my entire life. This was not a normal smell; this was 'you smell like you just passed through the system of a sick old woman' awful, the kind of smell that makes children cry and whales in the Pacific pass out (no, I have no idea what that last sentence meant. Leave me alone). So, when I finally took a shower (and by 'took a shower,' I mean 'scrubbed myself for close to 40 minutes') I could not have felt better. No, I'm not 100% yet; but at least I'm clean!

I can't help but think about Christianity at this point. For so many people, becoming a Christian is ultimately a dissapointment; after all, Jesus won't pay your bills or make you well all the time. He won't make everyone you dislike go away, or give you a job that you'll love for the rest of your life. And while it would be just fantastic if he did, Jesus never promised to make your every waking moment happy. It's true. What he did, offer, however, is this: he'll make you clean.

The Apostle Paul dealt with this very topic in his letter to the early church at Corinth - they weren't living the most faithful lives, at least in part out of boredom and temptation from the lifestyles of those around them. Paul told them, though, that this wasn't why Christ saved them - they used to be filthy in their sins. But no more. He wrote,

"you've been cleaned up and given a fresh start by Jesus, our Master, our Messiah, and by our God present in us, the Spirit." - 1 Corinthians 6:11b, the Message

You and I have been made clean! Through faith in Christ, we have a clean conscience, heart, mind and soul, and when God looks at us, he sees perfection. He sees his kids; he sees saints! It's true.

As a preacher, sometimes I struggle with what I can offer people - I can't fix everything, and sometimes, I just don't have answers. But what I can offer is this: while you're life won't be 100% what you want it to be all the time, at least you can be right with God. At least you can have spiritual, internal, eternal peace. At least you can be saved.

At least you can be clean.

The wife and I were rudely awakened around 4 a.m. this morning by a noise neither of us could put a finger on. It sounded kind of like running water, and a little like crinkling paper. And while neither of us was completely coherent, we both had enough sense to check out what our dog was doing, as he is typically the culprit in situations like this. Sure enough, Griffey was responsible.

The noise? Griffey peeing on our carpet. And this wasn't just any ordinary urination; this was Niagra Falls meets the Nile River, a stream powerful enough to douse the great Chicago Fire of 1871. I'm convinced that if he had been allowed to continue for too long, God would have spoken to us about building a boat. The floodgates of his bladder had burst, and there was no turning back!

My first reaction, was, of course, to yell at the dog. After all, he's almost four years old (28 in dog years), and way too young to be incontinent. Unfortunately, this was a foolish tact to take, since not only does my dog not understand English, but he didn't exactly mean to wake us up in such a rude fashion. The real problem, I hate to admit, was something I had done.

Last night, Stephanie and I went to bed at ten o'clock, as I was not feeling the best. And since it was a couple hours earlier than usual, I decided to leave the dogs extra water in our bathroom in case they were thirsty. So, I filled one of those containers that automatically refill a dog bowl with water, and went to bed. Sure enough, this morning, all the water was gone - Griffey drank it all! Believe me - if you'd done the same, you would have had to go six hours later too!

The point is this: everything in this world must be experienced in moderation. Too much of anything, even something like water, which is absolutely essential for the survival of any living thing, will always lead to problems. Countless people have fallen prey to the curse of 'more'; more money, more power, more prestige, more entertainment, more sex, more work, more school, more anything. And when you're always chasing more, not only are you never content with what you have, but your excess leads to an imbalance in your life that causes what's important in life to be neglected.

The Apostle Paul dealt with this issue when it came to marriage and the family. As he put it, while being married is great, whenever you have responsibilities in this life, you naturally take time away from your responsibilities to God. His solution was keeping a proper balance. He wrote,

"Those who weep or who rejoice or who buy things should not be absorbed by their weeping or their joy or their possessions. Those who use the things of the world should not become attached to them. For this world as we know it will soon pass away." 1 Corinthians 7:30-31

Simply put, while this world has a lot to offer us, being 'absorbed' with the world is a trap we all have to avoid. That's why the message of this past Sunday's sermon is so important - since something will be on our pedestal, and since we're going to worship something, it needs to be God, or else our lives will be all out of whack (technically speaking, of course).

It's not Griffey's fault he had an accident this morning; he didn't know that he shouldn't drink every drop of water I gave him. You and I know better, though, and when we drink the proverbial water and have the proverbial accident, we'll have no one to blame but ourselves. After all, that's just the way life works. Too much of anything leads to danger.

Or, at the very least, a rude awakening at 4 a.m.!

As soon as I walked in, I knew exactly what had happened. I knew as much because I had, personally, been in the same position several times before. And since I not only knew what had happened, but had also been in their position several times, it was incredibly easy for me to feel empathetic to their position.

It was Saturday night, and since Stephanie was out of town, I was left to fend for myself. So, I went somewhere I've gone more times than I can count, an old faithful favorite that rarely lets me down: Subway. As I walked in, however, I noticed something odd: it was after 8:00 in the evening, and yet the two beleaguered employees were still baking bread. To make matters worse, as soon as I reached the counter, they explained that they were out of a couple types of bread, and they braced themselves for my horrified look/complaints/rolled eyes/general display of dissatisfaction with their service. 

Of course, what they didn't know was that I worked at Subway for four years when I was in high school and college, so I knew exactly what had happened: someone else neglected their work (either the morning or afternoon crew), and therefore, one of their chief responsibilities (the baking of bread) had fallen to the night crew, who were forced to try to catch up while they did their duties. This, unfortunately, happens sometimes when you're a Sandwich Artist, and having been in their shoes, I didn't complain or make a big deal about it. Instead, I tried to be extra nice, as I knew they were in for a long night, and that so many others were irritated that they couldn't eat their $5 Footlong on Italian Herbs and Cheese bread.

It's at this point of the story where you, the faithful blog reader, should be saying, 'well OF COURSE you were nice - you'd been there before! That's not an impressive story!' And to that, I must reply: 'correct.' That's the point - when you have first hand experience with something in life, it's only natural to empathize when someone else goes through the same thing. That's why it's easy to forgive someone when they wrong you in a way you've wronged someone else, why it's a breeze to connect with someone who has the same interests and hobbies as you, and why it takes no effort at all to be patient with people who have a similar personality to your own.

Unfortunately, there are two sides to every coin, and the flipside is just as difficult as the first side is easy: when you HAVEN'T been in someone's shoes, it's incredibly hard to empathize with what they're going through. And that makes it tough to forgive someone who's done something you'd never dream of, why it can be awkward to try to connect with people that you have nothing in common with, and why other people's flaws and personality quirks can be so maddening you can't see straight.

And that admission brings us to our larger point: in a diverse community of believers like Ashland Christian Church, it can be hard to feel like you're a part of everything you'd like to be. As we grow, it can feel like everything's getting out of hand, and as more and more people come to faith in Jesus who aren't a thing like the people who have 'always' been here, it can seem like this isn't 'your' church anymore. And you know what? That's perfectly fair, understandable, and reasonable.

The fact is, though, that if the gospel is going to be for everyone, then ACC is going to follow suit. And that means that each and every one of us (including myself) are going to have to make the concerted effort to do what's hard: empathize with those you don't understand; extend grace to those who struggle with things you don't; grow up with people who couldn't be any less like you. Growth and change is difficult, but it's necessary - after all, if we think we're not going anywhere, we're actually going backwards.

I don't have all the answers, and I don't even know all the questions. All I know, for sure, is this: Jesus doesn't know everything. Jesus doesn't know what it's like to be flawed, sinful, or spiritually weak. The very reason He had to come to this earth is because you and I couldn't do what He did - and that means when He is forgiving, compassionate, and empathetic, it's a willing choice. It's not easy - but He does it because He loves us.

And if Jesus can do that for you, then at the very least, there's a person or two in your life you can reach out to as well.

It is one of the internet’s oldest, most well known, and funniest sites of all time: ChuckNorrisFacts.com. The entire site is devoted to explaining just how powerful Chuck Norris, the unintentionally hilarious star of Walker Texas Ranger truly is. The following are my personal favorite Chuck Norris facts. Enjoy!

* Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.

* The active ingredient in Red Bull is Chuck Norris's sweat.

* Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.

* Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

* The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris
and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.

* Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.

* Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.

* In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the Jeep.

* Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

* Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.

* When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

* Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie."

* Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bull riding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.

* In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.

* What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division.”

* Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.

* It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

* As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."

* Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

* Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

* Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

* Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Now, why do I share this with you, other than the fact that Chuck Norris Facts make me very, very happy? According to his biography, Chuck Norris is a devoted follower of Jesus Christ. The point? If the baddest dude on the planet needs Jesus in his life, it’s certainly good enough for you and I.
And if you think that’s lame, then I think I know someone who has no problem delivering a roundhouse kick to help you understand!

Very few things make me sadder than when Christians look like morons. The reason is simple - when believers look like morons, non-believers have a good reason to stay in their ‘non’ state of being. So when I see something like the following, I can’t help but want to tear out my hair, throw something through a window, and curl up into a ball and cry, all at the same time. Ladies and gentlemen, I present: 

Christian Chirp 

That’s right, friends: someone thought it would be a good idea to create a ‘Christian alternative’ to Twitter. As if Twitter weren’t annoying enough, now every Mary, Martha and Hezekiah can, in 140 characters or less, tell you what’s going on in their world. Awesome.  

Now, whenever Christians do things like this (and by ‘like this,’ I’m referring to Christian T-Shirts, most Christian music, Christian bumper stickers, and any other number of ridiculous mainstream knockoffs), I’m not bothered because it is, nine times out of ten, a money grab by someone who may or may not even believe in God. Nor am I bothered that their stated aim (to be ‘different’ and ‘stand out’ for Jesus) can replace actual devotion and holiness in the life of a Christian. I’m not even bothered by the fact that this type of product is, nearly always, a lamer version of the original. I could be bothered for these reasons, sure - but I’m not. What I’m really bothered by is simple: when you slap Jesus’ name on a worldly product, what you’re really saying to Him is that you want Him to be worldly.  

Jesus came to this earth, died and rose from the dead, for one reason: so that you and I could have something that this world can’t offer. When you and I live only for this life, we miss out on God’s eternal purpose for making us. And when we attempt to confine Jesus into the world’s models of marketing and flavor of the week trends, we end up turning a relationship with God into just another part of life, when, in fact, it’s supposed to be the defining factor of it. Jesus didn’t come so that he could be a part of this culture or build an earthly empire; he came so that you and I could exist outside of this world’s oppressive standards, in this life and the next. 

So no - I won’t be joining Christian Chirp. And if sticking to mainstream social networking sites makes me a heathen in the eyes of some, then I’d imagine that those aren’t the eyes I need to worry about. 

And besides - I really don’t want to look like a moron!